…for only a second

Somehow I ended up at his wedding. He always joked that it would be funny if the next time we saw each other would be at the other ones wedding. Well, here I am... and it's not funny. It's heart-wrenching.

How did I end up here? It's like I opened my eyes and I was with him at the altar. I know I am not the one marrying him. She is. The only other girl he's ever loved. The girl that he essentially replaced me with... simply because we couldn't have each other.

I was happy for him. I always have been. But I never had any intention of showing up at his wedding. Why would I ever want to torture myself that way? Why would I want to tempt him and cause him to question his decisions?

I suddenly realized that he was staring at me. Holding my hands in his. The guests had all taken their seats and seemed clueless that a woman who was not the bride was standing at the altar, holding the hands of a groom that was not hers. All I knew is that I had to find some way of excusing myself.

But how? I have always loved this man. The only reason we stopped being together was a change of countries. A move. A desire to further educational goals. We never stopped loving each other. Then he moved on and fell in love and so did I. And then I got engaged... and I don't ever remember him telling me that he was going to marry her.

I took a deep breath to tell him that I had to go, but before I could get the words out he said, "Just kiss me. One last time." he pleaded. "Kiss me and I will leave with you and I won't marry her."

My heart pounded. "I can't." I realized how weak I sounded and repeated myself, hoping to convince someone. Anyone. "I can't."

He leaned in, "Please, I love you. And we are here, together now. I won't marry her... please don't marry him." His lips touched mine, for only a second. I could feel myself melting. I could feel myself considering his proposal, for only a second. Then I realized what I was doing. I love him, yes, but I couldn't do this. I couldn't ruin lives for a "what if," for a "possibility." I moved out of his embrace. "I can't."

I left the altar, the guests still unaware of my existence. As I fled the mountaintop, I heard the music begin and the guests gasp at the beauty of the bride walking down the aisle toward her groom. I stopped, for only a second, wanting to look back. I heard somewhere that in the movies, when lovers stop to glance at each other as they are leaving, then you know that they will be together. This wasn't a movie. I never glanced back.