Cigarettes and Memories

... she lit her cigarette and inhaled deeply, ignoring the absolutely gorgeous man sitting next to her.

"When did you start smoking? You don't smoke." He stated as he waved down the waitress for another drink.

"I only smoke on two occasions," she said. "One: When I am so stressed out that i can't handle it anymore, and two, when I want to be laid, but know that I am not going to get any. I don't consider myself a smoker."

"So, which is it?"

She was trying not to let on that she liked his attention on her. "Which what?" she asked, taking a sip of her beer and noticing how flat her hair looked in the mirror behind the bar.

"What is the reason that you are smoking tonight?" He was looking at her intently. She was still just as beautiful as he had remembered. Why hadn't they ever gotten together?

"Oh, the latter."

He was silent for a second. He had hoped that was going to be her answer, but he hadn't thought of what he would say if she had admitted to it. "Who says you aren't going to get laid tonight?" She seemed a lot more determined now than she used to. But there was something else that had changed, and he couldn't quite figure out what it was.

She tossed her head back in feigned aggravation and looked at the ceiling. "Oh come on. You know our history. You offer, I smile and accept and then run like mad. You know as well as I do that it will never happen. Hell, we've both been of legal drinking age for years, and this is the first beer we've had together. Trust me, even if I wanted it, it wouldn't happen."

What was he supposed to say to that? She was right. In fact, he practically had to chase her down the first time they spent more than two minutes talking in passing. Spend the night together? Ha. She was right, it would never happen. She'd run. Then he stopped, it had happened once, that they had spent the whole night together. Yeah, that was the night he had pretty much chased her down, they stayed up all night talking. Nothing else.

"You know, I don't get it. Why is it that we never got together?" he finally asked.

"Didn't you just hear what I said? I run!" She hissed, feeling the blood rush.

"No, what is the REAL reason? Why do you run? Hell, I've been nothing but nice to you. Remember the time when you were at your locker..."

She cut him off. " I don't know. Every time that you offered to see me. To meet me after the show, to hang out after school. To... to... every time, I was so excited that you asked me. You, the big man on campus that every girl hoped to have a chance with. You wanted to see me. ME! I was a nobody in high school. A NOBODY. It didn't ever make sense to me that you, Mr. "I could get anyone I want", you asked me. I wanted so bad to actually spend time with you, but then when we were supposed to meet, I couldn't make myself go. It... it just...and now, now look at me. "

He turned in his bar stool to stare at her. "What? You're not making any sense. A nobody? You were never a nobody. And in case you didn't notice, every man in the place has been staring at you all night. "

"I was. At least, I always thought that I was. I don't want to talk about it anymore. It just never made any sense. And they're staring at me because I am a frekin' amazon and I wear heels anyway. I think it shocks them to see such a tall woman in this lil ol' bar." She put out the rest of her cigarette, feeling calm. "Hey, I'm going to head to the lady's room,  you mind ordering me another Guinness?"

She walked to the bathroom. God, seeing him made her remember things. Things she had forgotten. She smiled a bit. " Fuck! Take a deep breath" she thought. Their first kiss suddenly came back. She couldn’t figure out how she had let herself forget that. Everyone saw it. Everyone. But no one gave her shit for it either. She looked in the mirror. Her eyes, she thought, had always been her best feature. So green. "Ok, you're ok. Go back out there and make this happen. You've still got it. Just smile, and it's done."