Valuable Lessons - Christmas Expectations


Yes, I am here to challenge your perspective. Welcome to the show, I'm here all week... or lifetime, whichever is longer. Please leave your expectations at the door as new ideas are much more easily absorbed without them.

Just finished a debate with a coworker about managing children's Christmas expectations. He was telling me that they didn't know how they were going to handle their daughters meltdown since she will not have a large Christmas this year. I asked him if she was aware that his car just broke down and that sometimes money goes towards the good of the family and not the wants of ONE individual.

He said that I was crushing my sons childhood expectations early by not providing a big Christmas for him at 4 years old.

I asked, "What expectations? He's four, and if he begins NOW knowing that Christmas is NOT about presents, then that sets the tone for the years to come. He already knows that in order for Santa to bring him more gifts, he has to give other children the gift of donating the toys he doesnt play with anymore. Christmas is NOT about presents, it's about PRESENCE. It's about family and love and being with one another."

He looked at me like I had three heads and I stated that I am beginning my son early on a road of self-awareness and kindness towards others, not expectations of the world to just hand him whatever he wants, "As an adult, that's not how it works. We dont just go out in the world and expect everything to be handed to us." How the world treats us is a reflection on how we treat the world. If you go out there and demand and throw tantrums, no one is going to treat you well... and if they do out of fear of your tantrums and demands, well then eventually someone like me will cross your path and set you straight... and that's never fun as an adult.
Teach them valuable lessons early and then you don't have to correct behaviors once they've set in. I am not going to do the easy thing and satiate him with gifts and TV time. Thats not what being a parent is about. Is this the easiest way to spend your days with a young child? No, but which is more effective? Redirecting a 4-year-old, or a teenager who thinks they know everything?

My son will not be raised to be a victim of the world, but instead to mold his world based on his actions and reactions.

Failure to conform

I feel too fucking old
And I'm too fucking independent
I like who I am
...I sometimes wish everyone else did too

Breathe it in


She lay in the field, watching the clouds passing in the sky. The weather had finally warmed enough that she was able to wear her favorite red sundress, and her skin welcomed the suns rays. The breeze blew quietly through the tall grasses, rustling them softly and sending the dandelion seeds dancing across the sky. She was happy to finally have some time to breathe. Her life had been crazy the last few weeks and she had wanted nothing more than an afternoon by herself to do just this, to lie in a field and inhale the warmth of the late spring. She closed her eyes, inhaling deeply. There was no scent she loved more than that of warm grass in the late afternoon hours. No scent she loved more, other than the scent of his skin.

She could remember lying in this same field with him, pressing her lips to his sun-kissed skin, sipping on her favorite wine. The thought made her smile. They meant so much to one another, but circumstances always kept them apart. They had agreed long ago that they would cherish the moments they had together and respect the paths that they walked separately.

Thinking of him, her hand immediately went to the charm she wore on a silver chain that he had given her one summer. It was a teardrop, a tiny silver teardrop charm that puzzled her. She could never figure out why he had sent it to her. Yes, it was sad when they parted ways, but they always knew they'd see one another again. So when it showed up on her doorstep, she spent hours trying to figure out why he had sent her such a beautiful, fragile looking charm… at least, she had assumed it was he that sent it. There was no other man who would have sent her an anonymous gift.

As she held the little metal charm, she took another deep breath, with the hope of releasing a little more of her tension from the past weeks. Her eyes shot open, sensing something else on the wind, something familiar, something happy. She sat up, scanning the horizon. Could it be? Was he back? Her heart raced a little knowing that her intuition never failed, her eyes searching for that familiar form, that familiar walk.

“Lookin’ for something?” she heard from behind her.

She swung her head around, flipping her hair against the breeze. There he was, sitting under their tree, not 15 feet from her. All she could do was stare; he was just so beautiful. His shirt slightly unbuttoned, she could see his chest at he got up and walked over to her. Her heart skipped a little beat at he sat down beside her, leaning in to whisper something. He tucked her hair behind her ear and moved in so close that she could feel his breath. “I’ve missed you.” He pulled back, staring into her eyes, and smiled at her. She still had no words. Nothing that crossed into her conscious seemed relevant in this moment. He ran his fingers through her hair and she closed her eyes, reveling in the moment. He kissed her left cheek, then her right, and then kissed both of her eyelids. Eyes closed, she smiled a little and took another deep breath, breathing him in.

Despite the late afternoon sun on her skin, she had goose bumps. He went on to kiss her left temple, so softly, moving down to her neck. She knew his intentions were to just enjoy her presence, to take in her beauty. He never made her feel less than beautiful. Less than perfect. He continued softly kissing her neck moving down to her collarbone. At this moment she was happy she had chosen to wear her favorite sundress, where he had complete access to her collarbone and shoulders.

She opened her eyes and looked up towards the sky, extending her neck. He read her perfectly and continued caressing her neck with his lips. She smiled, watching the clouds pass, happy. He was here. She was here. Nothing else was important.

…for only a second


Somehow I ended up at his wedding. He always joked that it would be funny if the next time we saw each other would be at the other ones wedding. Well, here I am... and it's not funny. It's heart-wrenching.

How did I end up here? It's like I opened my eyes and I was with him at the altar. I know I am not the one marrying him. She is. The only other girl he's ever loved. The girl that he essentially replaced me with... simply because we couldn't have each other.

I was happy for him. I always have been. But I never had any intention of showing up at his wedding. Why would I ever want to torture myself that way? Why would I want to tempt him and cause him to question his decisions?

I suddenly realized that he was staring at me. Holding my hands in his. The guests had all taken their seats and seemed clueless that a woman who was not the bride was standing at the altar, holding the hands of a groom that was not hers. All I knew is that I had to find some way of excusing myself.

But how? I have always loved this man. The only reason we stopped being together was a change of countries. A move. A desire to further educational goals. We never stopped loving each other. Then he moved on and fell in love and so did I. And then I got engaged... and I don't ever remember him telling me that he was going to marry her.

I took a deep breath to tell him that I had to go, but before I could get the words out he said, "Just kiss me. One last time." he pleaded. "Kiss me and I will leave with you and I won't marry her."

My heart pounded. "I can't." I realized how weak I sounded and repeated myself, hoping to convince someone. Anyone. "I can't."

He leaned in, "Please, I love you. And we are here, together now. I won't marry her... please don't marry him." His lips touched mine, for only a second. I could feel myself melting. I could feel myself considering his proposal, for only a second. Then I realized what I was doing. I love him, yes, but I couldn't do this. I couldn't ruin lives for a "what if," for a "possibility." I moved out of his embrace. "I can't."

I left the altar, the guests still unaware of my existence. As I fled the mountaintop, I heard the music begin and the guests gasp at the beauty of the bride walking down the aisle toward her groom. I stopped, for only a second, wanting to look back. I heard somewhere that in the movies, when lovers stop to glance at each other as they are leaving, then you know that they will be together. This wasn't a movie. I never glanced back.

People move on. Life cycles through.


The crash and burn happened when the lie was brought to light.

I'm not perfect, and would never want to be. If you're flawed too, you become real to me. Sometimes, just sometimes, you find a girl who probably should call herself a man because she isn't like all the other girls.

I understand the carnal need, I have that need myself.

I understand the conquest. I am a conqueror.

I understand the feeling of being trapped. I'm a caged animal more than I am not.

Where they get it wrong with me, is lying to me about it all.

... there are some lies that are not known to be lies, even by the man who told them. They think they know what they want, until they find out differently. The challenge then is convincing me it wasn't a lie to begin with.

I don't judge them for who they are/were. I am not perfect. I don't expect you to be. Society has it all wrong... IT judges you for who you are.

I judge you for the lie I was told in order to fit in to that society.

Placing Blame in the Pertussis Outbreak: Religious Rights or a Faulty Vaccine? Written by Tara M. Jackson

Charlotte Photographer and Writer“The devil is in the details.” We hear it said, often glossing over the words, but how does it apply to the recent Pertussis outbreak in Henderson County, where 34 individuals have been diagnosed, and over 1,000 have been exposed to a “potentially deadly” bacteria? This outbreak has suddenly created an echo across the state for removal of religious exemptions, blaming the unvaccinated for the spread of the illness, and begging to take away the rights to religious choice.

If one were to consider the surface information, the average takeaway from media soundbites, it makes sense to call for the removal of religious exemptions. After all, it has to be the unvaccinated who are responsible for the resurgence of Pertussis. Logically, if you get vaccinated, you can’t get sick. Right?

In an Asheville Citizen-Times article titled, “OPINION: The dangerous loophole in our vaccine legislation,” author Nikki Pritchard calls for the resurrection of a failed bill introduced in 2015 that would have removed the states religious exemption option, leaving only medical exemptions in North Carolina when it comes to vaccination. Even though the law clearly states “bona fide religious belief,” it’s been suggested that those utilizing this exemption, are in fact, not religious at all – and instead, taking advantage of a loophole in the system. The conversation of religion and which ones “count” in the vaccine debate doesn’t come in to play according to the law.

So why do the details matter here? This call to action made me wonder if the religious exemption was really at fault. What are the vaccination rates for this illness and why is there such an outbreak in a community like Henderson County? In the 2014-2015 school year, among students utilizing exemptions to enter kindergarten, Henderson county had one of the lowest rates in the state, coming in at 1.4%. So, to protect those at risk, the magic number to achieve the theory of Herd Immunity is 95%, then school age children are more than covered. A pertussis outbreak of this magnitude should be an anomaly.

According to the December 12th “Pertussis Outbreak Situation Report” by the Henderson County Health Department, 34 individuals countywide have been currently diagnosed, while exposing approximately 1,000 other individuals. Since the Henderson County Health Department cannot confirm the vaccination status of those diagnosed, stating via phone call on December 11th that they are not "collecting that information," I turned to the Center for Disease Controls website to find more information as to why those assumingly vaccinated against the illness are still contracting it. As stated by CDC documents, “Vaccinated children and adults can become infected with and spread pertussis; however, disease is typically much less serious in vaccinated people.” (a)

So I pose the question: With a current high vaccination rate among school-age children, and the CDC stating that even with the vaccine, people can become infected with the very illness they are trying to avoid, what would removing a religious exemption do to lessen the rate of Pertussis outbreaks? Why are those individuals who are fully compliant with the CDC’s recommended vaccine schedule still contracting the illness?

With more digging, I came across an article by the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases from 2013. (b) As stated in the article, “Based on an animal model, the study conducted by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) and published November 25, 2013, in The Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, shows that acellular pertussis vaccines licensed by the FDA are effective in preventing the disease among those vaccinated, but suggests that they may not prevent infection from the bacteria that causes whooping cough in those vaccinated or its spread to other people, including those who may not be vaccinated.” (c)

If that’s true, then what about the ever popular GlaxoSmithKline's commercial with the unvaccinated Grandma turning into a Wolf as she spreads Pertussis to her newborn grandchild? Based on that study, wouldn’t it suggest that if Grandma gets the shot, she’s more likely not to show symptoms while still culturing the bacteria – and then possibly spreading this highly contagious bacteria to those she’s intending to protect?

Another study published in 2012 by Maxwell A. Witt, Paul H. Katz, & David J. Witt; titled, “Unexpectedly Limited Durability of Immunity Following Acellular Pertussis Vaccination in Preadolescents in a North American Outbreak” concluded that, “the current schedule of acellular pertussis vaccine doses is insufficient to prevent outbreaks of pertussis. We noted a markedly increased rate of disease from ages 8–12 years, proportionate to the interval since the last scheduled vaccine.” This study suggests that these outbreaks are not due to use of exemptions, but rather a failure of the vaccines themselves. (d)

These studies are being published in one medical journal after another, each one pointing to the failure of the vaccine. They are easy enough to find and understand.

Based on the multitude of studies conducted over the last 20 years since the introduction of the current versions of the pertussis vaccination, the information suggests that pertussis outbreaks are not occurring due to the use of religious exemptions, but instead due to a failing vaccine. More information needs to be collected, analyzed and openly published and shared as to why vaccination itself is causing the spread of the illness – quite probably by the silencing of symptoms, which under normal circumstances would cause a person to stay home until they were healthy, as to not spread the illness to those most vulnerable.

The ultimate detail it seems is this study, where researchers stated the following: “This disease is back because we didn’t really understand how our immune defenses against whooping cough worked, and did not understand how the vaccines needed to work to prevent it... Instead we layered assumptions upon assumptions, and now find ourselves in the uncomfortable position of admitting that we may [have] made some crucial errors. This is definitely not where we thought we’d be in 2017.” (e)

Why call for the removal of a choice, in this case, religious and protected by state law, when said removal does nothing to change the reason such outbreaks are occurring? Instead of placing the blame on the very small percentage of families who utilize exemptions, why don’t we put pressure on our healthcare providers, the CDC, and the pharmaceutical companies to find better alternatives to a faulty vaccine?

As it stands, what we are left with is a false sense of security via a “one size fits all” shot, which still poses risk as indicated on the insert; effectively blindsiding us when our children and loved ones are diagnosed with a highly contagious illness. Instead of providing the public with easily accessed and unedited information about vaccinations, they are allowing people to believe that in order to be safe and healthy, they must allow exemptions to be removed.

This problem will not be solved by removing rights and blind adherence to an incredibly successful marketing campaign. This problem will be solved in the details – and with more knowledge, information and education by medical professionals and the public.


References:
(a) http://www.hendersoncountync.org/health/documents/communicable_disease/pertussis/12-12-17MediaSitRep.pdf

(b) https://www.niaid.nih.gov/news-events/fda-study-helps-provide-understanding-rising-rates-whooping-cough-and-response
(c) http://www.pnas.org/content/111/2/787.full.pdf
(d) https://academic.oup.com/cid/article/54/12/1730/452864
(e) https://www.bu.edu/sph/2017/09/21/resurgence-of-whooping-cough-may-owe-to-vaccines-inability-to-prevent-infections/


UPDATED 12/20/2017

Allow me to introduce myself...

My name is Tara, and I am a rule breaker....

Hi Tara!


Cheesy? Yeah. Ok, I'll try not to go there, but I can't make any guarantees. 


I love to write, I am a photographer and I am ridiculously in to health. But not your Standard American health. You see, I am a Celiac, I've been injured by Vaccinations, and I KNOW that eating low fat will kill you. There is very little "Standard American" in the way I live my life and raise my son. 


This Blog will be a place to mostly share my Writing and Photography - but don't be surprised if I go on a tangent or two from time to time. 


And if you're having a conniption based on what I have said here - Take a deep breath, consult your "doctor", and continue on with your "Standard American Life" without question or forethought. Or, you can take a deep breath, accept that we're all wonderfully different, and consider for a second that there are other options out there.  


*Namaste*


Just another M.D., who knows nothing more than he’s been told to know

The old elevator dings my arrival to the second floor of the medical facility in Anderson, SC. I take a deep breath in a futile attempt to s...